But the Sun Still Rises
by jesi lily
Summary: Pain and Loss are a part of life, how we deal with them is part of living. One must remember that it is not the end when we loose someone, but the beginning of something else, or we shall falter.
1. Chapter 1

She was watching him once again; it had become a regular occurrence for her to watch him. Oh, how the tables had turned.

His eyes were clouded, something she had come to grow accustomed to. A bottle held tightly in his hand, almost as if he were fearful to let it go, it was half empty. She did not want him around her, and yet she wouldn't leave him, not now, not like this.

"Hey," His voice, once so cheerful, teasing, was now little more then a slur of incomprehensible words. How the brilliant fall.

"It's time you go," Her words were soft, hiding the fear, anger and desperation behind them; she could not give in now, she would not give up.

He looked at her, and his clouded eyes showed his confusion at her words.

"The party just started!" She looked around the room, people had begun leaving hours ago, the only ones beside them that remained was the few who had passed out already, his friends had lost hope, giving pitiful excuses and leaving him to it, they had long given up on getting their friend back, but she could not.

"No, it finished, a long time ago," The early hours were tiring her; she wished to be any where but here, that she wasn't in a position to have to be here.

"Nah!" he was insistent, and seemed so sure of his words, and yet his face showed some sense entering his brain.

"I'm going James, please, we'll go together," She held her hand out to him, and his took it, sliding his larger, stronger hand into her delicate grasp. "Come on James," She said softly, leading him towards the door. "That's it."

He was stumbling slightly, and seemed dazed, but she had known him to get into worse situations, while he was in this state at the very least.

It took them an hour, stumbling, and tripping through dark, cold corridors of the castle to get to the portrait of a silver unicorn, which looked at them with a knowing expression, one that had, like his clouded eyes, become all too familiar with her.

She mumbled the password, and dragged James through the portrait opening, and heaving him up the few stairs that led to his room.

"Almost there," She told him, before shoving her way through his room. When they had first moved in to the Dorms their rooms had been immaculate, but since then his room seemed… Well, it was a mess.

His floor was covered in discarded items of clothing, beer bottles, and various other things. She managed to get through all the crap and to his bed, before practically throwing him onto it, in his drunken state, he was able to do little else then lay there as she removed his shoes.

"There you go," She said, pushing his feet onto the bed, as he looked at her through heavy eyes. She smiled softly at him, leaning forward, and pushing his hair back, and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"S'not so bad," James slurred, looking up at her, Lily furrowed her brows at him, and not sure if it was because of her expression or just because, he explained. "I'm happy all the time now."

"No James, you're not… You're just too drunk to remember you're sad," She whispered, he looked at her, as if he understood what she was saying, but she doubted it.

"I'm happy enough, Lily," She smiled down at him, but it was not a happy smile, it was a smile that was a mixture of pity and sorrow.

"I'm sure you are James."

He reached up and grabbed her wrist, his hold was not tight, and yet she knew she would be unable to pull away from him. He tugged slightly until she sat down on the bed beside him, here eyes never failing to look into his, and every so often she thought she could see the old bright park that used to be there.

No words were exchanged as he simply lay there looking up at the girl beside him, he said nothing as he eventually sat up so that his face was not even a centimetre from hers, and then his lips were against hers.

She could taste the fire whiskey on his lips, burning her lips slightly, but behind that taste was something so familiar and yet so strange to her… it was James, before he was broken, she could feel it for the shortest of seconds before he pulled away.

"I'm broken Lily."


	2. Chapter 2

"_GO AWAY!" The redheaded beauty screamed, marching through the corridors of the ancient castle, she was waving a hands around her head, a mixture of different frustrations, aimed at either the idiot who would not stop following her, and her hair, which as usual refused to do what she wanted it to. _

"_Aw, come on Lily, one date!" The idiot boy called to her, still trailing after her, a wide grin spreading across his features. "It can't be that awful a thought." _

"_WANNA BET!" The redhead yelled over her shoulder, still storming through the corridors, anyone in her path moved quickly aside, there would be few other options when she was in such a terrible mood. _

"_Tell you what, I'll prove it, just one date, and then we'll see who wins!" She stopped and marched right up to him, and for a second fear passed over his ridiculously handsome features. _

_She was waving her index finger at him threateningly with her left hand as her right hand gripped her wand. _

"_I am telling you this for the very last time, Potter!" Lily spat at him, her eyes flashing dangerously, so much so that he actually gulped. "If you do not back off, I am going to do something that will cause you much bodily harm, so for your own sake do as I say!" _

"_Y'know if we took all this anger and kept it for the bedroom, I'm sure we could come up with some very interesting situations," His friends who had actually been following him, laughing at his sheer nerve, fell silent, as did anyone in hearing range. _

_Lily, who looked positively murderous at this point, stared at him. _

"_What did you say?" Her words were deadly quiet and spoken slowly, the pure fury bubbling beneath the surface. _

_James took a step back, realising that maybe,_ just maybe, _he over stepped the mark. _

_The air around them was positively crackling with the furious energy that was rolling off her in waves. He really had overstepped the mark. _

"_Lily!" A voice called in the distance, breathless and worried; suddenly a soft rounded face appeared by James' side. The small girl looked between James and Lily cautiously. "You've really gone and done it this time James." She scowled, before stepping between the pair. "Come on Lily, we'll report him this time, I don't think getting yourself expelled is the best way of dealing with this." _

"_Wh-"_

"_Don't say anything!" The girl snapped. Lily looked like she was finally starting to go back to simply very angry, so he was not going to say anything that may actually get himself killed. _

"_And I thought you were meant to be my friend too," James muttered; only loud enough for the girl who had managed to calm Lily down to hear. _

"_Yeah well, I prefer Lily," The girl replied, before carefully linking her arm with Lily's and leading her down the corridors. _

"_And I love you too Becca!" _

How times had changed from then… How the world had changed.

Everything had always seemed so simple, they were untouchable, and nothing could destroy the invincible. But regardless of their opinions of themselves they were no more than mere mortals, ever changing, and always that much closer to their end… Sometimes rather sooner then anyone of them thought possible.

That memory was from just two years ago; they had been fifteen at the time, carefree and joyful, for the most part at the very least. They had essentially been children, with little care for responsibility.

Everything changed, they changed, they grew up, they loved, they lost… It had all seemed so simple before the real world came crashing down on them. The world of fear and anger, none of them knew what to expect, and all of them dealt with it in different ways.

Out there, in the real world there was evil, horror and misery… There was a single man, and single being, who destroyed so much, stole so much from people, he was something else altogether.

* * *

"James, we need to talk," Albus Dumbledore spoke form behind his desk, nestled in his tower, for a long time now he had known something was wrong, but this was unbearable for him, to see this young man so full of possibility fall apart before him. "You're Head Boy, but I fear this is a position no longer suited to you, James there is no simple way of saying this, but you need help, I feel I may send you back to your home, perhaps your parents would be better suited to help you."

James looked at the man before him, he was elderly, long greying beard that reached his knees, his skin was wrinkled, and face was kind, though it was rare to see such a look of despair as was on his face now when he looked at James, over half moon spectacles.

James himself looked pale, ill… Eyes that used to sparkle had died long ago, the browns, greens and golds had turned murky, lost their youth, his previously ever present boyish grin now far too lost. It was heart breaking to see, to see such youth and potential lost in just a moment.

"Why? What will they do to change anything? Send me back there, I don't care." His voice was hollow, eyes dead, there was so little of the boy that used to be so lively there anymore. Albus had hoped and prayed that it would not come to this, to this moment of helplessness.

"James, you may believe I am unaware of your antic this year, but already you've created issues… You are no longer able to fulfil your duties, I'm afraid therefore you've left me with little other choice than to remove you posit-"

"Whatever."

James picked himself up from his slouched position in the chair before Albus, and tore the badge form his scruffy robes, throwing it onto the desk with a clunk, he turned his back on the Head teacher he once respected so, and moved from the office, not bothering to even spare a look towards the forlorn teacher.

* * *

"Sir, please, just a bit more, I know he's been difficult…" A redheaded girl argued with Albus Dumbledore, she looked so upset at what he was suggesting. "You can't do this!"

"Lily please do not argue with me, this decision has not been taken lightly, in fact, it was perhaps the hardest I have yet to make, but in these times we need someone strong and capable to help lead the school, James is unable to be that person," Albus informed Lily, there were a few people hanging around, clearly listening into the conversation.

Lily knew what he was talking about, right now students were loosing their family outside the of the school walls, people were dying, they were being murdered. More than ever the role of the Head Students was to support the student body, it was evident that James was in no fit state.

"We need you Lily, please, stay strong, the teachers and I shall discuss the further options, until then," Albus took her hand in his, and gently placed a small golden badge into her palm, 'Head Boy' it read, glittering beneath the sky shining through the windows. Her fingers closed over it, and Albus left her, standing in the corridor, and she was alone.


	3. Chapter 3

"Whaddu wan?"

It was dark now, the school was now mostly silent as she walked around the ongoing corridors, fulfilling her duty as Head Girl, she wasn't sure what she expected to find tonight, perhaps a few hormone ridden teenagers in a broom closet, some young mischief makers with stink bombs, maybe Peeves the Poltergeist awaiting her with paint pellets, but this wasn't what she expected.

"For Merlin's sake James, stop this!" Lily screamed, before her lying on the floor, barely able to keep his eyes open lay a familiar boy, his skin the pale shade of grey it had turned in the months past, his black hair sticking to a sweaty brown, he was a state. His shirt was unbuttoned, his trousers crumpled, his clock thrown over a nearby suit of armour. "Just stop it! Stop acting like a fucking idiot! Stop throwing your life away! You weren't the only one who lost her!"

Her beautiful ruby locks seemed to fly around her head, her eyes ablaze with fury, it was like electricity was pouring from her very soul with her anger. He stared up at her with blurred sight and saw a vision before him of fire and fury, beautiful and painful to behold.

"Fuck you."

His words so simple were like a dagger through her heart, his selfish ways were painful to bear, and he didn't have a single clue.

"_Come on, I know you're angry and blah de blah, but you're my best friend Lily, and he isn't dropping after you anymore, is it really so bad that I take his attention from you?" Lily looked at her friend bemused by her action, how could she be so foolish, she'd always known she was just a game to James, but Becca… Becca of all people to do this?_

"_I just don't understand…" Lily said looking frustrated, but looking at Becca it was impossible not to want to agree with her, her large ocean blue eyes were looking at her with such a sense of hopefulness. "But what makes you happy makes me happy." _

"_Good, because he was really worried it would make things weird, he doesn't want it like that, and neither do I and you're my best friend and all that jazz," Becca rambled, linking arms with lily and walking in the general direction of the Gryffindor Common Room, as if perfectly timed waiting for them on the couch was James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. "Hi guys!"_

"_Hey," James smiled, instantly getting to his feet, he smiled a natural smile, not his usually boyish smirk, and could not remove his eyes from Becca, happily taking in her small frame, with chocolate brown wave framing her beautiful face. Lily saw it then, the look of true happiness on his face, every worry she possibly had was erased with that one look. "Erm, Evans, I know we have a lack of history, but Becca…" _

"_It's alright Potter," Lily assured him, nodding as she walked past him towards Remus. "Just break her heart and I'll rip yours out." _

When Lily returned to her Dorm, her solitary dorm, she walked straight into her bedroom, she sat tiredly down onto her bed, heaving a sigh as she did, before pulling open the top draw of her bedside table, it was almost bare expect for just a few special items. A beautiful silver frame that held a moving picture of two teenage girls, one a redhead the other a brunette, they were laughing as they hugged each other, in the corner of the frame sat a golden badge, 'Head Boy' it read, they were the only things in the draw. Lily carefully picked up the frame, holding the badge in her hand.

Her ruby locks were pulled into a ponytail, that the brunette would teasingly pull very so often, her skin looked pale, even dotted with freckles all over, her school uniform was shorter and more fitted than perhaps was regulation, showing off her then developing body to it's best. Above all that stood out was the large almond shaped eyes that shone so brightly with laughter as she hugged her best friend.

The other girl was smaller, but more athletic in her build, waves of chocolate hair fell just beneath her shoulders, as she wrapped her arms around her friend. She was smiling brightly, a wide beautiful smile, which reached the deepest most breathtaking sea blue eyes, she looked gorgeous.

They were sixteen when the photo was taken, still the best of friends, the sun was shining down upon them, and behind them sat the lake sparkling under the suns rays. The castle was just to the side, while there were others in the background lazing about in the summer weather.

A tear trickled down Lily's rosy cheek as she stroked the image of her friend, wishing things were different. So simple it had been, such beautiful days with brilliant people, she missed that so much.

She looked down at the badge in her hand and sighed, for all that she thought of him back then, he was a great guy, and now that guy was gone once again.

"Do you keep that in the draw?" A familiar voice broke across the silence in her dark room, Lily nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound, looking up and seeing a friendly face. "Sorry, James woke me up when he got back; I figured you'd still be up."

"Sorry, I couldn't silence him, he might have gotten into more trouble along the way," Lily explained. "And yes, I do keep it in the draw, I didn't used to but James couldn't bear having her pictures around… it just seemed better."

"You can take it out again, Sirius and I figured James had lost his position his bed is back in the Dorm," The person explained, the light suddenly switched on and she saw Remus standing there his hand still on the switch. Honey blonde hair was falling into his tired looking eyes, as he watched her. "Things aren't getting better are they?"

"No, they aren't."


	4. Chapter 4

"_Come on, Lily, please?" Becca's voice begged as she practically jumped about with her excitement, her eyes were bright, her smile big, and Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Please, look it's you and me, we're seventeen, and we can look after ourselves, come on, I really want to go look at it!" _

_Lily rolled her eyes sighing; she put her hands on her hips and looked sternly at her friend. _

_It was the summer before their seventh year at Hogwarts and the newest broom out yet had just been released, Becca was determined to buy it for James, they had been together since the end of fifth year, so for just over a year now, and as a present for their anniversary and his congratulations for getting Head Boy she wanted desperately to get him the newest broom out. _

"_Ok, just for a little while, you know it's not safe out," Lily said finally giving into her friends wishes, she couldn't help but smile as Becca giggled and squealed excitedly. "Come on then, let's go to The Leaky Cauldron, and head out form there." _

_The pair erupted into the pub through the fireplace within minutes, Becca excitedly jumped form the emerald flames out into the dusty old pub, a few people turned at their sudden appearance, but it was common place for people to use the floo network to get to Diagon Alley. _

_Arm in arm they moved through the street, towards the quidditch store, Becca froze just by the window, her jaw fell to the floor as her eyes fell upon the display in the window. A slim-line broom sat in the window, the displayed named it the Nimbus 1700, it was sleek and shiny, and Lily knew enough about Broomstick to know it was one of the top brooms around, it had just been put into the professional quidditch league._

"_He'll love it Becca," Lily said looking at the item before her, it came with a hefty price tag, but Becca came from money, it wouldn't be too hard for her to afford it. "Come on then." _

_They were inside the store, a clerk helping them with the purchase when the screaming started, Lily and Becca froze as people begun running up the street, the ground shook, and explosions made the building shake, smoke started billowing from the building around them. _

"_We've got to go!" Lily yelled to Becca, as she gripped the broom in her had, her eyes wide with fear, Lily grabbed her wrist, running towards the door, she pulled it open just as a blast sent her and Becca flying backwards. Her back smashed against the far wall, knocking the breathe from her lungs, she dropped about ten foot to the floor, feeling something crack in her chest as she landed, she screamed painfully. Looking up she saw Becca, lying on the floor groaning, blood pouring down her face from a nasty gash. _

"_Lily!" Becca called, she rolled over, and crawled towards her friend. "Shit, Lily you need a hospital!" Becca pulled her wand from her pocket, carefully pulling herself to her knees, peering out of the smashed windows, she could see people robed in black, wearing skull masks, and all too familiar sight these days. "We need to get out, can you move?" _

_Lily nodded dumbly, Becca pulled on her arm, and Lily let out a scream, the two girls looked around, no one else was moving in the building, Becca peered down at her friend there was a broken shelf piercing her skin. Blood was dripping down her t-shirt and she was getting paler by the second. _

_Becca half carried her towards the back door, she was reaching for the door handle when the Deatheaters entered the building, they quickly descended on the two young girls. _

"_It's Rebecca Bagnold, isn't her Aunt currently running for Minister for Magic, how interesting… And a mudblood…" A Voice cackled form behind a mask, Becca closed her eyes. Tears escaping from beneath her eyelids. "The mudblood is practically dead; she's no fun, but the other one…" _

"_No time for play," A voice broke across the room, the energy in the room shot up, and the sickening sound of a silky voice sent icy fear to her very core. "Bagnold, let's make a statement…" _

"_Cruciatus Curse?" A Deatheater asked eagerly, Lily blinked up at him, he was smiling, she could barely focused as her eyesight darkened, Becca sobbed quietly, one of them had stood on her wand, it was snapped in half and unusable, Lily's was no where to be found. _

"_No… Who remember the entrail expelling curse? My sweet you've always done as I asked so well, perhaps you would like…?" His words were so easy, bringing Lily back to consciousness, as she gripped Becca's hand in her own, praying for help. _

_The person practically squealed as she turned on the two young girls pointing her wand at Becca, Lily looked right into her dark eyes, seeing nothing but evil as she eyed the brunette, her mouth moved, and in less than a second, Lily felt something splatter across her face, warm and thick. She closed her eyes, not daring to look. _

James hadn't ever forgiven himself for her death, and Lily had never stopped feeling the tickle of blood that had run down her face, Becca's blood.

When she did finally open her eyes once more she was in St Mungo's, Remus was sitting with her, he explained that Becca had died, both knew it had not been a quick or painless death, but it was too late to save her by the time help arrived. Lily was second from death, they'd barely saved her, she had only just about recovered in time to get back to Hogwarts.

She was angry at him, it was December, they were close to going home for the holidays he'd lost his badge, and was close to loosing his life. They pretended to not notice, but he was taking pills, downing them with drink, he was beyond help.

There was a banging on the portrait that distracted her form her thoughts, and the homework she was meant to be doing. She got up quickly, it must have been one in the morning, she opened the portrait, gasping at what she found.

"HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP!" Below the portrait lay slumped James, he was pale and twitching, unconscious. Beside him lay two bottles, one a firewhiskey bottle, the other was a pill bottle.

"What the fuck have you done this time James, you stupid, stupid boy."


	5. Chapter 5

"What do we do now Albus?" A woman asked as she stood beside James' bed in the medical wing at Hogwarts, James was lying beneath crisp white sheet, his skin a similar colour. "We're at a loss."

"I think this has gone beyond love and care, perhaps a stay in St Mungo's, he can get specialised care there," Albus suggested, his manner was deflated, he'd been there when they found Becca and Lily, he'd seen the state they were both in, and he had seen what it had done to James.

Now he was seeing this, the downfall of a brilliant man.

"I just… I don't want to believe it has gotten that bad Albus," The woman admitted, looking guilty as she watched her son.

"Abigale, you couldn't have known this was how it was going to go, different people cope in different ways, poor Lily Evans lost her best friend and witnessed the horrors they did to her, but nothing will stop her," Albus told the woman, she nodded, knowing he was right, there was no way she could have determined James' reaction to Becca's death.

* * *

"He's so stupid," Lily decided firmly, sitting between Sirius and Remus, they were in Gryffindor common room; they had just visited Abigale, James' mother, who was in a rather sorry state having visited her son. "So selfish."

"Come on Lily," Sirius said, pushing his dark hair form his face and looking at the redhead. "He's hurting; it's not been that long since she died."

"I know Sirius; I feel her blood on my face every single day… I feel her hand loose it's grip on mine, I heard her crying stop, I felt the judder of her body as they did that to her… I remember very well what happened to her, I remember better than any one has ever thought to acknowledge!" Lily snapped at Sirius, her voice getting louder with each word, and his dark grey eyes were pity laced as he looked at her, because she wasn't wrong. "I was with her when she died, she was my best friend, but everyone has overlooked that, no one cares that I was in so much pain! James was hurting! It's all been about James! And you want to know what makes me feel really sick about the whole situation! People are forgetting Becca in favour of James!"

She was on her feet now, standing before the two teenage boys, she was a vision to behold as she yelled at them.

"Lily, it's not like that," Remus tried to reason, but it was, people had forgotten why James was upset, and focused more on what he was doing in his pain… People had forgotten Becca.

"It's exactly like that, and now because of it he's done something even more stupid, he nearly died, he nearly killed himself!" Lily had tears in her eyes now, they started running down her cheeks, and her arms flapped about as she struggled to control herself. "We lost Becca, for the life of me, I can't loose another friend! I can't do that! I can't be the person they're with when they die! I feel her blood trickle down my face all the time, I close my eyes and I see him lying there on the floor! I can't do that!"

"Go on Evans tell us how you feel," A weak voice broke out from behind her, Lily whirled around to see James lent against the wall supporting his weak body, and looking somewhere between anguish and amusement.

"You're an arse, and absolute arse, and I can't believe you would put us all through that again."

* * *

It was quiet the following day, James had explained to Sirius and Remus that his mother had discussed putting him in St Mungo's for help, but the idea hadn't really appealed to him. They had promptly informed Lily who was nearing the point of not caring anymore.

James was present at breakfast for once; he was sitting opposite Lily, who refused to look at him. He didn't bother attempting conversation, she was quick to anger and he could not deal with that right now.

They moved silently through the corridors, reaching lessons on time the four of them, there was a sense of surprise with the teachers when James appeared in the classroom between Remus and Sirius. It was tense but bearable in Sirius' mind, Lily refused to speak to James and James refused to speak at all, but it was a better option then him downing a bottle or two of firewhiskey before lunch.

The day passed them by without incident, and soon they were settled into the common room, Lily was unwilling to go back to the Heads dorms, she kept seeing the memory of James body lying before the entrance way. Instead she settled on the sofa, taking in the warm fire before her.

"Lily," It was the first time he had spoke all day; it should have been a good thing if his voice hadn't been so grave. In fact looking at his face he looked hollow, his eyes were completely empty, and she knew what he was about to say. "It's time we talked."

* * *

"What do you have to say James?" Lily asked tiredly, as she sat in the room of requirement with James, they were sitting opposite each other in high back chairs, comfortable, as they soaked in the warmth of the fire by them.

"I kissed you didn't I?" He seemed distant as he said the words like he wasn't sure, but knew himself well enough to know it was a possibility, Lily nodded in reply, he had.

"I was sixteen, you weren't ever going to date me, you'd have never given me a chance, and I had known Becca for so long… For a while we had been talking, mostly about you, and we grew closer," James told her, he seemed tortured talking about it. "Then one day I saw her, actually saw her."

"I just blurted it out 'you're beautiful', she laughed and said I'd never see anyone but you, yet I had, I'd seen her… She never believed me y'know, she never believed that I loved her as much I could love you, she always believed that it was you and me, and somehow it would all work out… I know she was going to buy me the broom, always trying harder to win my affections…" James wouldn't look at Lily as she spoke.

"She always thought you were more than her to me, it wasn't true, not then, and now… Now I don't know… I got to kiss you, I kissed you, and all I could think at the time is what about Becca."

"So you're ruining your life?" Lily asked him, sounding harsh.

"Maybe, she ruined hers for me," James replied, Lily jumped to her feet, and slapped him across the face, his cheek stung, he could feel the redness already appearing.

"She didn't ruin her life you ignorant bastard!" Lily hissed at him, grabbing his jaw, forcing him to look her in the eye. "She was killed, murdered, she didn't have a choice, they killed her in cold blood, I was there I saw it I heard it and you don't have the bloody right! She didn't die for you, she lived for you! She died because of a monster, so how bloody dare you!"

Tears fell from his hazel eyes as Lily forced him to look into hers, and he begun to shake, Lily dropped her hands, and watched the boy before her.

"I miss her, I miss my best friend!"


	6. Chapter 6

There was absolute silence in the castle as the morning dawned upon them; the light flittered across the done, eventually casting itself upon the sleeping face of a beautiful redhead. Her eyes flickered, slowly opening, before closing against the bright morning sunlight.

Eventually she wiped her eyes with her hands, and propped herself up in bed, and was horrified at what she saw before her. Sitting on the end of her bed, looking as beautiful as she ever had, was her best friend. Her dead best friend.

"What the fuck!" Lily gasped, jumping out of her bed in panic, she looked around, waiting for someone to pop out and scream 'surprise'. "I've gone made, I've gone freaking mad."

"He loves you, y'know," she sounded exactly the same, like nothing had changed, but Lily knew that everything had changed. "I always knew it, but he was nice to me, I think he did really care for me when we were together, I know he did actually… But you are always going to be the one."

Lily stared, just stared… She opened her mouth to say something, and closed it again. She rubbed her eyes, and rubbed them again… Nothing she did would make the image go away.

"I'm real, Lily," She said sounding amused as she eyed her friend, who still seemed in a state of shock. "Thank you for looking after James, I should have gone to him, but he's far too lost… You are falling apart at the seams, I figured I should visit you before you break and tell you to be strong; you need to be strong… You need to be strong for James, he's broken Lily, and it's up to you now to fix him."

"You can't be here, Becca, you're dead!" Lily exclaimed suddenly, pointing at her friend. "You died; I was with you when you died! How are you here?"

"I need to be here, you and James you're falling… James is about to be gone, and you aren't far off Lily, everyone thinks you're coping but your not, and I know that," Becca replied breezily, she smiled at Lily, she looked sad though. "You know what you have to do Lily; you have to be there for him."

* * *

Lily was in a daze as she settled into the sofa; the image of her friend would not disappear. In fact currently as she was in the armchair, the image of Becca was happily perched on the arm, looking happy as she hummed to herself.

"You're gonna have to do something soon y'know, it's not like either of you can continue the way you have been," Becca said pointedly, as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger, rolling her eyes at her friend.

Lily pointedly ignored her dead friend as she continued to read the latest issue of Witch Weekly.

"Lily, he's gonna die."

Lily finally looked at her old friend, and saw the sadness in her big blue eyes, tears welling in them as she looked at the redhead, there was such a sense of sincerity in her face as she spoke, regret in the words.

"He needs you, because if this is how it continues Lily, he'll kill himself," Becca told her; there was softness in the way she spoke, and care and consideration in her words. It had always been there when she spoke to James, she had always cared for him, worried when he went off another dangerous spree with his friends of utter madness, it was something so familiar, so warm and tender, it was hard to believe it was coming from a ghost.

"What do you mean?" Lily questioned, slowly placing the magazine down on the table, sitting up as she paid full attention to the being before her. Lily knew that not even her own tired and scared mind could make this up, something bigger was going on here, and Lily had to believe and listen to her old friend.

"You haven't got long Lily, he hasn't got long… I've wasted so much time… Lily you haven't got long at all."

* * *

"Sirius!" Lily called as she fell through the portrait hole, she was wearing her thin and small black strapped top, and a pair of holey old chequered pyjama bottoms, she was a state to look at, pale with her hair pulled back messily, Sirius noted she looked tired too. "Where's James?"

"I kinda thought he might be with you…" Sirius answered eyeing up Lily as her eyes widened, she had never been able to hold back her emotion, even if they were misled, and he could instantly see it in her face. Fear. "What's happened?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I need to find James, have you got your map?" She wasn't supposed to know about the map, not really, but when James had told Becca, she had instantly told her best friend. Sirius didn't even bother to wonder about how she knew about it, however, he threw himself over the back of the sofa he was sat in and disappeared in a run up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

Within a minute or two he was stood by Lily as they poured over the map, they scoured the pages, attempting furiously to find the small label they were looking for.

"This is useless," Lily sighed frustrated just minutes later when they had not found him, she pushed the map aside and walked back and fourth in the common room. "Where did he and Becca spend time, just think Sirius, where did James used to take Becca?"

"The astronomy tower…" Sirius answered, slightly awkwardly, everyone knew why couples went there, and it wasn't for star gazing.

"But… Why would he go there… _he hasn't got long_…" Sirius looked perplexed as Lily murmured to herself, she froze as she rethought what Becca had said to her, the words floating through her mind, and she froze. Panic flooded through her veins, horrible realisation hit her like a kick to the chest.

She turned and sprinted out of the room, tore up the stairs, screaming with frustration when students wouldn't move fast enough, it still seemed to take a lifetime for her to reach the point she needed.

Skidding into the astronomy room, she looked around the ceiling the door was pushed open, she clambered hurriedly up the stairs, unable to breathe or think and he was there.

Balancing on the edge, standing under the beaming sun, almost blinding, she neared his form, a shadow against the bright golden light. His cloak was discarded, his hair ruffled slightly by the gentle breeze, his was breathing steadily, seemingly so calm.

"I did love her, y'know," He spoke so calmly, his voice so even, it was terrifying.

"Please James, will you come down?" Lily asked carefully, she reached her hand up to his and grasped it as he stood on the wall, the one designed to stop people falling. She closed her eyes praying for something to help her. "James, it's Lily, will you please step down?"

He looked away from the golden sun at last and looked at her, she saw for the first time his reddened eyes beneath his glasses, tears streaking down his cheeks, he was shaking slightly, but seemed to peaceful.

"I love her, and it's my fault she died."

It happened so slow, it was almost as if it wasn't happening at all, just a mere dream or nightmare. Her breathing stopped as his knees bent, it was just a single instant from being her absolute worst nightmare. Worse than that, this was something she could have never of brought herself to think.

She grabbed him around the legs, before he could propel himself forward, her desperation making her move so fast she had barely registered what she had done, even as she pulled him back. They landed, a mass of limbs against the hard stone, both shaking with emotion as they lay there, James' crumpled body on top of Lily as she continued to hold onto him.

"Don't you do that to me, don't you ever think about doing that to me." Lily whispered, her voice high and panicked and angry all at the same time, she was breathless and dizzy, and her heart thudded painfully within her chest as she refused to let him go. "I lost her, I can't loose you too. Please James, I'm begging you, don't ever do that to me again."

"She's gone, and it's all my fault, I don't deserve to be here…" His voice pathetic as he tried to excuse his actions, as he tried to defend himself, but Lily didn't want to hear that.

"Just promise me never again," Lily whispered still holding onto him for dear life, terrified that at any point he would leave her, like he had been so close to doing.

"I want to, so much, but it only makes it all so more real, she died because I love you, and that promise, it makes it more real…"

He was shaking and crying, his words bubbling, he seemed so different from the young carefree lad he had been, but so fragile, like he was scared of the truth.

"I know James… I know."

It must have been ages that they remained in that crumpled position on the cold stone floor of the astronomy tower, the light faded and the darkness engulfed them, even to the point that they were unable to see each other, the cool night breeze danced across their skin as they stayed in place, so frightened of the truth sinking in… They had killed her, but it wasn't their fault at the same time.

"I liked the darkness… It felt like she wasn't gone, I just couldn't see her, that it was ok, but it got lonely… I got scared, I don't know… it just meant it was real, but then the darkness never went away, I couldn't get it to go away, it was night time all the time."

His voice was frightened, like he was going to loose himself to it and Lily found herself stroking his hair, her grip on him loosening, feeling more confident as the black sky turned navy and violet, and then an orange glow rising above the forest, only just visible.

"But the sun still rises James, see, the sun always rises, you don't have to be scared of the dark anymore… She wouldn't want that, I don't want that. There's light…"


End file.
